Who ever said motherhood was the most rewarding , blissful time of their lives was high on cookie dough and low grade cooking oil. I on the other hand prefer to have on hand an empty CD case, visa card and a rolled up 5 dollar bill. Of course..... I am a responsible mother of 3 lovely children and have given up my rockstlye ways, now its a glass of Chardonnay at 19:30 sharp. FML!
So here's the story: 20 months ago I gave birth to a beautiful 7.10lb baby boy who we called Dick. The birthing was remarkably easy and pleasant. (we took Hypnobirthing classes). When things felt tense and I had any discomfort we immediately resorted to our Hypno training and started to meditate. I would envision my vagina becoming a blossoming rose , which symbolized the opening of the birth canal. A safe clean route for my first child to exit from. My husband had also learnt some nifty techniques which he put into use. Ie; a squeeze of the shoulder to help put me into a deep relaxation .
HAHA! Yeah right, DICK ???? Easy and Pleasant , it was fucking torture. I had hemorrhoid's reaching for the stars. Hemorrhoids , story of my life. I can write a whole blog on those god-damn motherfuckers.
Moving right along, so along came Dick.
16 months later I gave birth to two beautiful fat porkers ! Identical twins !! And I pushed those fatties right out of my blossoming rose, well actually baby B was pulled out. However, I can quickly add that the labour was somewhat enjoyable (took the epidural this time) and well the delivery is another story but a successful one. Carrying those two piglets was a challenge on its own. (To come in another blog, perhaps after the hemorrhoids)
So here we are today. Loving my life, savouring every moment.
Barf ! I don't sleep , I don't eat and I hardly have time to shit. My skin is so fucking dry from my lack of water intake that I have aged 10 years. Yes , yes I know the old saying "the care giver must take care of oneself first in order to care for others", you try that when you have 3 dependants crying for you for aid. Just hurry the fuck up and grow up !
Don't get me wrong, I do have blissful moments with these charmers more than it may seem and I do love them with all my heart. I wouldn't give them up for anything. I just dislike them most of the time.
Well , this is just the beginning of my blog journey and already I have so much catching up to do. Maybe later on I will find some time between feedings and shitty diapers to tell you a bit more. B.T.W, this took me two days to type and I still haven't done spell check. God I hope blogger has spell check.
